Hard Times with the Good, Good Father

     I’ve seen many searching
     for answers far and wide
     But I know we’re all searching
     for answers only You provide.
     Because you know just what we need

     Before we say a word.

     That verse from Good, Good Father sums up where I've been the past week or so, and the answer was not what I so desperately wanted.
     E won't be enrolled second semester at his beloved Belmont University. The money just wasn't there.
     I've known hurt and disappointment in the past, but this time it's different. I know why. It's because, in this instance, I had the power to affect the outcome. With one signature I could have kept the pain away, and I chose not to.
     It hurts even to write those words. I. chose.
     I have no doubt my decision was the right one, but that doesn’t make the pain any less. God has made it abundantly clear that my wife and I are to live debt free. Co-signing a loan puts that commitment to Him at risk.
     I ache. My heart aches. My head hurts. My stomach is in rebellion, but I know I made the right decision.
     I did not take this decision lightly. I prayed about it. I searched, as the song goes, for answers far and wide. I didn't get the answer I wanted. I wanted there to be another way, a way that didn't involve me having to stand on my convictions or impact life issues so abruptly. There was no other way.
     This decision had a deadline, and it has passed. It has to be this way. I cannot help. It has to be painful and disappointing and sad and heart-wrenching. As I wrestled with this truth, I began to get an answer to another prayer I had been praying: That there would be peace and wisdom and understanding in this outcome.
     I got all three.
     Peace, from an Andy Stanley sermon, that choosing to withhold my signature was the best action I could take for my family.
     Wisdom, from a podcast, in which Chip Ingram said this:
      God answers our prayers the way we would answer them if we knew what God knows.
     I do not know what He knows. I don't want my prayers to change God's mind if it moves us away from His better plan. Jeremiah 29:11 is quoted so much that it has become almost cliché, but I do believe that God has a plan for a hope and a future for us.
     If I took action to circumvent God's perfect will, what kind of repercussions could that have? What future happiness, relationship or opportunity would be thwarted by my attempt to avoid pain now? No thank you. I'll trust His higher ways.
     I received understanding when God permitted me to see the shadow of His angst played out in the depth of His love for me.
     I cannot begin to fathom how God must have felt, looking down from heaven at His only Son on the cross. The Creator of the universe had the power to stop the crucifixion. With one swipe of His hand, He could have obliterated the enemy and established His kingdom on earth. But, He had a greater plan, and He chose not to.
     I understand.
     For the past several days I have found myself humming Good, Good Father over and over, I didn't even realize it. Then I stopped and read the lyrics and came to understand that in my search for answers, God was speaking directly to me through that song.:

     I’ve seen many searching
     for answers far and wide
     But I know we’re all searching
     for answers only You provide.
     Because YOU KNOW JUST WHAT WE NEED

     Before we say a word.

     You’re a good, good Father
     It’s who You are, it’s who You are, it’s who You are
     And I AM LOVED BY YOU,
     It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am

     Cause you are perfect in all of Your ways
     You are perfect in all of Your ways
     YOU ARE PERFECT I ALL OF YOUR WAYS TO US.

     Oh, it’s love so undeniable
     I can hardly speak
     Peace so unexplainable
     I can hardly think

     As you call me deeper still
     Into love, love love

     He is a good, good Father, and He loves me.