Still Learning, Still Trusting My Father

     Four months and 15 days ago we moved E into his dorm at Belmont University. It was a momentous and extraordinary day. Momentous for all the expected reasons—first child out of the nest, first off to college, first dorm. Extraordinary because it was an answer to prayer. When there seemed to be no way, God provided.
     His provision did not take the route we had hoped for, but there he was. Tuition, room and board all paid.
     I learned in that experience not to build boxes or fences around God. He is creative and resourceful and limitless. I better understand that, while He is concerned about us, He is not concerned about the things that concern us. His ways are not our ways, and His thoughts are not our thoughts.
     I was concerned about money. He was concerned about faith.
     I was concerned about direction. He was concerned about my listening for His still, small voice.
     I was concerned He might choose not to honor my bold proclamations. He was concerned about that I might not choose to seek Him first.
     Now, four and a half months later, E is starting his second semester in Nashville, and we are again looking for God’s provision and direction.
     We are not alone.
     All around me people are looking for provision and direction. A cancer diagnosis, a far too early death, kids that need direction, financial need, physical healing, answers to tough questions, healing from past hurts.
     These days, I’m finding encouragement in my inbox. My church is starting the year with a focus on prayer. Each day I receive a devotional to help focus our conversations with God. Clearly, this is no coincidence. They are personal to me and yet universally applicable.
     The first day’s emphasis was God’s opportune time. God is not rushed nor is He slowed. His provision and direction come when He ordains, and they are not determined by calendars or deadlines. We need to wait in faith.
     Day two was a prayer for personal revival. It is easy to get caught up in a physical or financial need rather than remembering that God is more concerned with our heart and soul than our checkbook or calendar.
     The third day’s question was straightforward: Are you depending on God? I say I am, but am I really? I learned a long time ago that I am always dependent on God. He is always in control. These seasons of need are His reminders of that.
     On January 4, I received this question: Are you asking? It was accompanied by this verse: You have not because you ask not. James 4:2-3. If you are not hearing or receiving, it just means you have not heard or received yet. Keep asking.
     Day five brought this reminder: He is able. I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to keep that which I committed unto Him until that day. 2 Timothy 1:12 I would add, Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us. Ephesians 3:20 Yes He is.
     The sixth day hit hard: We can’t separate our prayers from who we are in Christ. How often do we ask God to work on our behalf without investing in our relationship with Him? His goal, always, is reconciliation with Him, not meeting one of my arbitrary needs.
     The January 7th prayer is for unwavering devotion to return and walk in obedience to Jesus. Unwavering devotion. Obedience. God does not hold us hostage to His grace, but He shouldn’t have too. Let us not take His grace for granted.
     The eighth prayer is the prayer that never fails: Your Kingdom come. Your will be done. God knows better than I do what E needs. He knows better than I do what I need. The key word here is the one not written. Trust. Trust Him.
     And, that is where I stand today. Trusting my Father to take care of me and my family.

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